Fierce Compassion is a Superpower!
A few years ago I was in a writing class with about twenty other women, sitting in a room with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out at redwood trees on a beautiful fall afternoon.
We listened as our teacher told us a story about clear communication.
Her preteen daughter had just flown alone for the first time. Before the trip, the mom (my teacher) went over some safety precautions.
She asked, “What do you do if a man tries to touch you inappropriately on the plane?”
Her daughter responded, “Should I tell the flight attendant?”
The mom’s response, “First you yell loudly at him to get his f-king hands off you!”
I was struck by how clear this mother was with her daughter about setting boundaries. I wished I had given my daughter the same advice before she alone flew the first time.
This story came back to me recently while listening to a podcast interview with Dr. Kristin Neff, the world’s top self-compassion researcher.
Until recently, Dr. Neff’s work has focused on “gentle” self-compassion - the importance of learning to treat ourselves with kindness and respect, the way we’d treat a beloved friend.
But recently her work has shifted to include what she calls “fierce” self-compassion - learning to stand up for ourselves, set boundaries, and take action when needed to protect ourselves and our loved ones and for causes we believe in.
Dr. Neff shows the difference between the two types of compassion by using the examples of a mother gently comforting her crying child, and a mama bear fiercely protecting her cubs.
She says women need to develop both kinds of compassion - gentle and fierce.
Most heart-centered women need to learn to incorporate more active forms of compassion, such as appropriate anger, setting boundaries, and pursuing our goals with determination.
How about you? Do you find it easier to be soft and gentle, so it would be helpful to work on developing your fierce mama bear protectiveness for yourself and your loved ones?
Or do you find it easy to access your anger and determination, and maybe need to work more on developing gentle compassion for yourself and others?
We all need both types of compassion - gentle and fierce - to live our best lives, care for ourselves and our loved ones, and make a difference in the world.
Shoot me an email at liz@happybrainlife.com and let me know: which form of compassion is easier for you - gentle or fierce?
Please take good care of yourself. We need you!
Hugs,
Liz
