Dealing with Difficult People Part 2
Last week we talked about some of the reasons why heart-centered people may have a hard time dealing with difficult people, having to do with the way our brains are wired for kindness and empathy.
Two important important things to remember:
1) you have a right to set boundaries and
2) nobody will set boundaries for you, you have to do it yourself.
Last week we also we talked about some strategies for dealing with challenging people that you still want to spend time with.
What about the people who are really difficult, you’d prefer not to see them, but you don’t have an option, such as coworkers or family members?
Possible strategies:
1) Minimize contact if you can.
2) Keep conversations brief and superficial.
There also are ways we can make ourselves more resilient, so we are not as affected by other people’s energy and behavior.
First, build a strong internal foundation of self-compassion and good self-care.
Also, become a curious observer when you are around someone you find difficult. What thoughts and feelings get triggered in you by their behavior and energy?
For example, maybe their mood is negative and you find your mood changing to match theirs. If so, know that you are in charge of your mood, you don’t have to be an emotional sponge.
Maybe their behavior triggers anger in you, but as a kind, loving person anger is a difficult emotion for you. If so, own your anger, know that its purpose is to help you set good boundaries and protect yourself.
Find a way to express your anger in a constructive way (e.g. telling them, writing it down, sharing with a trusted person). But don’t get stuck in the anger because you don’t want to give them that power over you.
Another possible reason we have a hard time being around someone is they trigger negative self-talk. For example, if someone is critical maybe it triggers a self-critical voice in your head.
If this is happening, write down the negative self-talk and analyze it. Is it really true? Can you come up with examples of the opposite? Our brains get stuck in negative looping patterns, and it’s up to us to create new thought patterns.
Please take good care of yourself. We need you!
Hugs,
Liz
